The Underwater Mace and Greatsword Tourney

Tune: Ghost Riders in the Sky

An armored dusty fighter went out with intent to slay
His mace and greatsword nigh him on a hot and muggy day
But soon the sky grew cloudy and the rain began to fall
The lightning flash-ed in the sky
And the thunder rolled and rolled

Chorus:
And the rain it came down
Yes the rain it came down
The underwater mace and greatsword tourney
And Mons Tonitrus drowned

Said he "I will fight onward" and he lifted up his sword
"This rain it isn't very hard, I'll finish off this lord"
But the weather had a different thought and the rain fell harder still
Said the fighter, "I'll not stop this fight
Until I've had my kill!"

Chorus

The rain it did grow heavier, the marshals called a hold
But the fighter, he refus-ed with a loud and hearty "NO!"
The water touched his ankles now, but he still refused to yield
And the fighter slipped and slid around
The wet and soggy field

Chorus

The water was up to his waist, the rain came down in sheets
When his opponent took his legs from him and he went down to his knees
But this fighter he was stubborn and with a splash he went
Into the lake up to his neck
And we thought that he'd be spent

Chorus: But...

His armor started rusting, as the water reached his head
And soon the only thing we saw was a plume of scarlet red
His legs and arms were stiff with rust and his plans to slay were foiled
When a gurgle came out of the lake
"Squire! Get the oil!"

Chorus

His squire jumped at his command, and to his tent he ran
Underneath the water to his master's side he swam
But by the time he reached him, the fighter he had gone
And the moral of this story is:
Don't swim with armor on!

Chorus

- Lyrics by Lord Yonatan von Swartzüberflek
Yet Another Example of Inhuman Decadence