Limericks
There once was a boy from Maknamiter
Whose mistress kept calling him amateur
Said she, "Your technique is too rough and antique
And your rhythm's iambic pentameter.
Chorus:
Ai-ai-ai-ai
In China they do it for chili
So here comes another verse that's worse than the other verse
Waltz me around again, Willy
There once was a maiden named Myrtle
Who amused herself with a sea turtle
And what was phenomenal,
The swelling abdominal
Revealed that the turtle was fertile.
Chorus
I knew a young lady in Prass
Who had the most beautiful ass
Was pretty and pink,
As most of you think,
But was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
Chorus
A very coy maid of Siam
Remarked to her boyfriend to try 'im
"To undress me, of course,
You might have to use force,
But the lord knows, you're stronger than I am!"
Chorus
There was a young lady from Exeter
And all the young men craned their necks at her
And those who were brave,
Would take out and wave
Their marks of the opposite sex at her.
Chorus
There once was a knight from Kent
Whose thing was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble
He'd stick it in double
And instead of coming, he went.
Chorus
There was a young poet of Japan
Whose poetry never would scan
When he was asked about it
He says, "I don't doubt it!
Because I always try to get as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can."
Chorus
There once was a man from Dundee
Who buggered an ape in a tree
The result was most horrid,
All butt and no forehead,
Three eyes and a purple goatee.
Chorus
An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
Said, "shaggin' is one thing I do know
Now women are fine,
And sheep are divine,
But llamas are numero uno!"
Chorus
There once was a pirate named Gates
Who thought he could rhumba in skates
He fell on his cutlass
And now he is nutless
And practically useless on dates.
Chorus
There once was a whore from Peru
Who filled up her twat with some glue
Said she, with a grin,
"They pay to get in,
And they'll pay to get out again too!"
Chorus
There once was a man from the coast
Who made love to a beautiful ghost.
Said the lovely phantasm
At his point of orgasm,
"I think I feel it...almost."
Chorus
On the breast of a lady named Gail
Was tattoed the list price of her tail
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille.
Chorus
There once was a man from Crass
Whose balls were made out of brass
When they banged together
They played stormy weather
And lightning shot out of his ass.
Ai-ai-ai-ai
In China they do it for chili
We haven't another verse that's worse than the other verse
So waltz me around again, Willy